To the guy in the brown Panamera downtown Montreal.

I kept on wanting to blog about you but I keep forgetting, then today an article on Cyberpresse (with pictures of Panameras, I'm surprised their site wasn't removed by the CRTC for obscenity) reminded me.

The first time I saw you early this spring it was dark, because early in the season, the sun sets at like 5:30PM. You almost ran me over because as I was walking on the sidewalk you burst out from the underground parking at the Sun Life building, I almost couldn't stop walking in time and almost hit your back door on foot.

This is because at first when I saw the front end of that Panamera, I was expecting a normal car, not a four door Porsche the length of a football field.

Then I saw you twice, last week as I was walking on De Maisonneuve, that's when I realised that the Panamera should not be shown in full daylight for it is ghastly, it was literally scaring schoolchildren away from the area as they pointed, ran and screamed like they saw Godzilla.

Again earlier this week, you went by me as I was crossing De Maisonneuve on Crescent, for the second time you almost ran me over due to a combination of you, not looking and paying more attention to your bluetooth douchebag accessory, and me, not realising once again that your car is longer than a workday in summer.

Yesterday though was the best, as you entered highway 20 at the Lucien L'Allier entrance, near the Bell Center, you were coming up from Saint Antoine and I was turning onto the ramp from Lucien L'Allier and a moment later we were in traffic, together, next to one another.

Me in my wife's Vitara, soft top fully folded back, hair in the wind, Oasis blaring.

You in your wife's Panamera, brown, with no hair on your head but a bluetooth on your ear. You cut me off and went in front of me.

Moments later we were next to each other again, me on the left lane and you immediately to my right, I caught you attention by nodding upwords at you, you pushed the window down button and nodded back.

I asked: "Did you purchase that on purpose or did you win it?"

You: "hein? What do you mean there la?" (French guy, limited English skills)

Me: "That sir, is the ugliest car I've ever seen and I can't imagine someone actually paying money for such an aberration."

You (getting angry): "Yeah well it's baitter then your jeep there la!"

Me: "Maybe but my 'Jeep' cost 1/10th of your monstrousity and I can use it whenever I want, not just on Halloween"

You: "Go Fuck Yourself!" (probably with a "there la" at the end but the window was up and I couldn't hear anymore)

Me: giggling like an idiot...I love to fuck with people, specially people with too much money and not enough taste.

So to you sir I say: "No, YOU go fuck yourself."

If I see you again, I will take a photo and post your hideous German vehicle here.