In Memoriam; a nice Fuck You to Frank.

Today is an important anniversary for me, it's been five years since an old employer (B-Line Technical Services) has laid me off...

...for the second time...

...on the same calendar date.

They laid me off on Dec-15th 2002, then, after asking me to pass up a job opportunity with Minolta, and rehiring me the following April, they laid me off, again, on Dec-15th 2005.

The first time, I didn't see it coming at all. I was completely blind-sided when my local manager called me into his office to basically send me home. I thought it was a bad joke.

The second time, I didn't see it coming at all, I had just gotten a raise about a month earlier, as well as an extra week of vacations, both of which were supposed to become effective, in the new year.

So it's with great joy that today, after five years from the second Christmas surprise, I want to bestow a big, fat, juicy, Fuck You, to Frank, the owner of B-Line, as well as all of his family. Also, thanks for screwing me, and my family, out of the severance package you guys owed me when you laid me off.

I sincerely hope you had Lehman stocks.

Also, I'll allow myself to give a slight bit of advise to two people I deem to be good friends, you know who you are; You're still working there.

RUN!

It's almost hilarious how their website (linked above) has the following statement in bold characters on it's welcome page: "It is mission critical today…survival essential tomorrow."

They also need to hire someone that knows how to perform "effective business writing" because frankly - pardon the pun - their main page sucks monkey balls, I got tired of reading it after getting past the first paragraph.

Dan, Den,

There are things you do for yourselves, and things you do for your friends. The most important things though, are the ones you do for your family.

Think about it.

What happened to Donald Duck?

Donald Duck was always my favorite Disney character, along with Goofy and Mickey Mouse. I grew up reading their adventures in the Italian magazine "Topolino" as well as "I Grandi Classici".

Those comic books are available in Italian from Mondadori (only in Italy) and in French (in Belgium from what I gather).

The French ones are available to be purchased here in Quebec, but they are hard to find and usually a month or two late.

However, Disney hasn't been making original Donald Duck cartoons for a little while. Occasionally he can be glimpsed quickly passing through the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the Disney Channel but no feature films, no pre-movie-cartoons, and no DVDs have been released with Donald in there for a while.

Why Disney? Why?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IfeuQ6Ayos

With classics like the above, it's a serious oversight. I particularly dislike the fact that some of the older classic cartoons have been banned because they were deemed "politically incorrect" or violent, but they've been replaced with Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers and other "Tween magnets".

Should nurse classes be added to high schools?

In light (blatantly bright light, supernova level brightness, biblical...really.) of the giant (blatantly huge giant, supernova level giant, biblical...really.) fail of the Quebec healthcare system, should we begin giving all high-school students at least one year of nursing class?

Consider a future, not too far, let's say 7-8 years, where all graduating high-school students would have a minimum of one year/course training as a nurse, everyone, male and female.

Imagine being at home when a family member gets burned/cut/bumped/sick/etc. and you have this nurse training, a training that would allow you to determine if they need stitches or not, if they need special care or antibiotics or not.

A course that would allow you to determine if your vomiting is caused by food poisoning, indigestion, gastro or Malaria. Perhaps with a little help from your friend Google.

A class that would teach you to make a bandage properly, perhaps set a dislocated shoulder, perform the Heimlich maneuver, determine if your old pop is having a heart attack, a blood cloth or a simple indigestion or a classic migraine.

Training to help you determine if your toddler is pushing a fever because she has the Measles or if she is simply teething.

Consider the savings in the healthcare system in nurse time, bandages (which we would have to pay ourselves at the drug store, perhaps 8$/bandage versus the usual 16$ charged by the bandage company to our hospitals), time and money.

Time and money.

In retrospect why aren't we doing this already?

WTF? Shouldn't we be demonstrating for relevant stuff?

Oct 2nd 2010, Quebec city. Over 60.000 people are reportedly manifesting to regain a professional hockey team.

http://www.demotix.com/news/463046/quebec-citizens-want-back-nordiques

Oct 3rd 2010, 30.000 people walked to collect money against cancer.

Some weeks ago, another manifestation gathered 1000 people to protest against natural gas mining.

Yesterday 5000 people manifested against a law that would allow English speaking families to send their children to PRIVATE English schools.

Seriously, WTF? Where are our priorities?

When I was a kid in Italy we had feminists protest against the rampant sexual harrassment that was usual in the 1970s in the offices, the minimal salaries women had, the rights to abortion, etc.

In France there are regular protests against the rape of pension funds by government.

Why in the hell is it that here in North America, when we hold a protest, a walk, a demonstration, it's never for, or against something relevant?

If I called a walk, on an arbitrary date, to DEMAND better healthcare for which we actually pay for on our taxes (and heavily at that), better roads, better government management, better police protection for victims, better education, a better choice of immigration...

How many people would show up?

Sadly, the walk for the Quebec Nordiques collected a total of 12.5M$.

The walk against cancer the next day? 2M$.

Nice.

Real nice.

F1 2010 (Codemasters)

I've finally gotten around to testing this new release from Codemasters, I had been waiting anxiously for it to come out. As an F1 racing fanatic, it's obvious that the first F1 game of note to come in almost a decade is quite an event.

Sadly I was mildly disapponted; If the on track racing and graphics are monumental, the game is cluttered by race engineers, agents and other paddock mickmocks that are clearly meant for 8 year olds to enjoy.

I wanted to jump right in, qualify, then race.

DENIED!

You must first waste 10 minutes listening to your agent (Giselle, or Danielle or Dominique, some French broad, I forget her name) go on and on about how you can use her laptop to view contracts etc.

RUBBISH I SAY!

All that could've been handled by a nice graph within the options screen. Why oh why can't we skip this?

It's the EXACT same menu system used in Dirt 2, with different graphics and in a different setting.

The point of a racing game, I would expect, is to get out on the track and race.

The actual racing is quite fun, with pit stops, best lines, the 2010 rules are 100% implemented and even if I think the race officials are a bit stiff when it comes to putting a couple wheels off the track (getting penalised for cutting corners, etc), I have to come to terms with the fact that in real F1, this is the way it is.

I enjoyed the game but please, in the inevitable first patch, adding the possibility to press like CTRL-S to skip all the menu chitchat would be awesome.

Also, a fair warning, it's a Windows Live game, which fundamentally sucks.

I give it 74% as a score, it has the potential to score higher but sadly, the menus implementation and lack of saving capabilities unless you're connected to a Windows Live account, is a sad, sad thing...

In conclusion, F1 2010 by Codemasters is an excellent F1 racing game, plagued by an obscenely time wasting menu system, and an atrocious saving method.

Tested on Core2Quad @ 3.00ghz, nVidia 8800GT 512Mb, 4Gb RAM, Momo Logitech F1 Force steering wheel.

To the guy in the brown Panamera downtown Montreal.

I kept on wanting to blog about you but I keep forgetting, then today an article on Cyberpresse (with pictures of Panameras, I'm surprised their site wasn't removed by the CRTC for obscenity) reminded me.

The first time I saw you early this spring it was dark, because early in the season, the sun sets at like 5:30PM. You almost ran me over because as I was walking on the sidewalk you burst out from the underground parking at the Sun Life building, I almost couldn't stop walking in time and almost hit your back door on foot.

This is because at first when I saw the front end of that Panamera, I was expecting a normal car, not a four door Porsche the length of a football field.

Then I saw you twice, last week as I was walking on De Maisonneuve, that's when I realised that the Panamera should not be shown in full daylight for it is ghastly, it was literally scaring schoolchildren away from the area as they pointed, ran and screamed like they saw Godzilla.

Again earlier this week, you went by me as I was crossing De Maisonneuve on Crescent, for the second time you almost ran me over due to a combination of you, not looking and paying more attention to your bluetooth douchebag accessory, and me, not realising once again that your car is longer than a workday in summer.

Yesterday though was the best, as you entered highway 20 at the Lucien L'Allier entrance, near the Bell Center, you were coming up from Saint Antoine and I was turning onto the ramp from Lucien L'Allier and a moment later we were in traffic, together, next to one another.

Me in my wife's Vitara, soft top fully folded back, hair in the wind, Oasis blaring.

You in your wife's Panamera, brown, with no hair on your head but a bluetooth on your ear. You cut me off and went in front of me.

Moments later we were next to each other again, me on the left lane and you immediately to my right, I caught you attention by nodding upwords at you, you pushed the window down button and nodded back.

I asked: "Did you purchase that on purpose or did you win it?"

You: "hein? What do you mean there la?" (French guy, limited English skills)

Me: "That sir, is the ugliest car I've ever seen and I can't imagine someone actually paying money for such an aberration."

You (getting angry): "Yeah well it's baitter then your jeep there la!"

Me: "Maybe but my 'Jeep' cost 1/10th of your monstrousity and I can use it whenever I want, not just on Halloween"

You: "Go Fuck Yourself!" (probably with a "there la" at the end but the window was up and I couldn't hear anymore)

Me: giggling like an idiot...I love to fuck with people, specially people with too much money and not enough taste.

So to you sir I say: "No, YOU go fuck yourself."

If I see you again, I will take a photo and post your hideous German vehicle here.

Top 10 sci-fi "B" movies you must see.

I've decided to make a top 10 list of my own. This list contains the top 10 sci-fi "b" movies that in my opinion should be seen if you haven't already. None of them are mainstream.

All of them will be worth watching if you can find them.

10-Slither (2006).


Starring Nathan Fillion this movie has been on my "a" list for "b" movies since it came out. I missed it at the theatre but I own a DVD copy and have it installed permanently on my Archos portable tablet. It's a must see "b" movie that has some minor horror undertones. Still I qualify it, it IS my list.

9- Split Second (1992).

This movie stars the actor who is the uncontested all-time best "b" movie actor: Rutg er Hauer. It also features as a bonus a young and hot (very) Kim Cattral. The story is interesting and the effects are somewhat laughable at times. Most of the interesting action is in the dark which for a "b" movie really means "Perfectly visible but slightly blue".

Nevertheless it was a blast to watch. Also this movie has become quite rare so when you find that 5$ copy at a flea market, take it. Amazon sells it for 80$!

8- Omega Doom (1996).



You know you have a decent "b" movie when the box says "Robots rule the earth. Only one man can stop them.".

Also that one man is Rutger Hauer. I think there is nothing to add except that the only reason this isn't higher on the list is that it's virtually unfindable. Also because there is a limit to how cheesy the costumes can get. However, as far as I can tell, this 15 year old movie, is the first one to show the future of douchebags: "Bluetooth earpieces".

7- The Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983).


The first time I saw this movie I was 13, in high school English class (in Quebec our schools are mostly French so we learn English as a second language), and it terrified me. After I saw it again I realised that this is not really a horror movie, it's not even a movie, it's three movies.

Also it has John Lithgow and Dan Aykroyd in there for good measure.

The best scene is on the plane. By far and large.

6- Mars Attacks (1996).


Where do I start? Great special effects for a "b" movie, also considering it's 1996. The cast is incredible, Nickolson, DeVito, Close, Bening, Short, did I mention Nickolson plays three freaking roles?

The plot is simple: Mars Attacks. From Mars. The planet. Any more questions? Good now go watch this movie.

5-Red Planet (2000)



While we're on the subject of Mars...This movie has everything, romance, humour, robots and a crazy plot where the hero blasts off into Mars orbit, using what is basically a modified lawn-chair with a Soviet Russian rocket in his behind. That is done in the true spirit of "b" movie plots.

Also Carrie-Ann Moss is in there.

4-Star Wars (1977).


Face it, in 1977 when it was released, before all the "Star Wars Fever" ensued, before it was made into a hexalogy, before it was remastered with CGI and had all its puppets removed.

Before the soundtrack and audio was remastered in stereo, then in Dolby Digital, then in Dolby Digital HD, then in Supreme Dolby Digital Hi-Bitrate for mental patients...

Before they retouched the posters, re-released it in fourteen different boxsets, before the Bubba Fet helmet boxset, before George Lucas became a complete douchebag...

Star Wars, the original untouched version is a "b" movie. Learn to deal with it.

3-Stargate (1994).


The thing about Stargate is that in 1994 there weren't any of the 12 spinoff TV series that it bestowed on us. The movie was a pretty good "b" movie with some decent "b" movie actors like Kurt Russell and James Spader. Spader was later mothballed and taken back out for Boston Legal, thus making this his definitive last "hit" movie. Russell went on to make the following "b" movie on this list.

2- Soldier (1997).

This movie was one (among many) to have the classic plot of a man turning against his team, a plot later followed by Avatar that went on to gross more money than what has been printed in history. Also Dances with Wolves comes to mind.

Nevertheless this is an excellent movie that I recommend for those that, like me, are stuck on an uncomfortable train/metro/bus seat for 2-3 hours/day in their daily commute to and from work. It plays great on an Archos/iPod/untraportable laptop.

1-Serenity (2005).



It would be difficult not to put Serenity as the best "b" movie of all time, it has everything, sex, humour, action, space battles, pirates, zombies, zombie dogs, skeletons, swords, a hooker, gambling and explosions. All of that and we haven't even talked about the plot, the actors, their chemistry, the hot costumes, the accents they use...

Also it's Nathan Fillion's second entry on this list, is he this generation's Rutger Hauer? Time will tell. What are you up to Nathan?

If you've not seen it, go rent it now. Watch it tonight. You can't afford the chance that the Mayans were wrong and by 2012, they really meant tomorrow.

How the bus ride this Monday morning ruined my week so far.

I'm now over it but this is what happened on the bus ride from my stop to the train this last Monday morning.

I get up, as usual it's 5:05AM, a bit groggier than usual because I had late evenings since Thursday night and early mornings Saturday (Hockey practice @ 9AM, up at 7) and Sunday (Hockey game @8AM, up at 6) so Sunday night I tried to go to bed early but failed for several reasons.

Wound up sleeping 4.5 hours between Sunday and Monday bringing my total sleep since Thursday to Monday inclusively to a whopping 15.5 hours.

I get on the bus at 6:48AM, wearing my sunglasses, not shaved, still groggy even though I had a coffee and breakfast.

The bus is a mini-bus with about 20 seats arranged on either side so that the people sitting on them are face to face in two rows, there is a final row of seats against the back wall of the bus.

I sit on the second seat on the left when I enter the bus. Across from me at a slight askew is sitting a lady that I chat with occasionally on the bus, she is in her fifties, brown short hair, pudgy nose, big brown eyes with seemingly too much make up.

She is wearing the same brown coat she wore all winter along with a pair of gloves she found in the metro.

To her right is a Facebook friend of mine, I met him on the bus and we chatted on the train a few times in the morning, he also works in IT and we usually will chat about video games, hockey, the odd kids story.

To my left sits a teenage girl, clearly a CEGEP student she is about 18~19 years old, brown long hair, pretty face if slightly on the heavy side she is very doable.

Right away I notice something is off, normally the older lady and my Facebook friend are already chatting away when I enter the bus. This morning they are completely quiet, my Facebook buddy has a worried look on his face.

At another stop a few minutes from mine enters an Asian woman in her thirties, she never speaks and even when she boards the bus in the evening with her spouse, a Caucasian man in his late forties, she never speaks with him. She is short with big thighs and legs. Her hair is black and straight like a classic Asian. She has a red purse and is listening to some music on some earphones.

As usual she goes right at the back of the bus and sits by a window on the rear seat.

I'm sitting there, slight headache, putting away my opus crap card when all of a sudden the lady in front of me starts gagging like she's about to throw up.

Immediately I look up at her, and start looking for a container, there is a garbage in the front of the bus next to the door, I start to get up and at the same time she throws up, emptying her stomach right on the floor between her and the teenage student to my left.

The bus is turning a corner as this happens and I'm thrown backwards back onto the first seat. I grab the handrail and use it as a hold to allow me to stand and finally I start reaching for the garbage can, it is small and white with a white plastic bag in it, it's otherwise empty. As I pick up the can the lady begins a second wave of barf-o-rama. By now the student is trying really hard not to look at her, I'm also trying to avoid but once you see it, it's hard to unsee it.

I place the garbage can on the floor in front of the lady and look for some tissue paper, the student sees me looking around and points out a box on top of the driver's mirror. I ask the driver if I can hand it to the lady and he acquiesces. I am about to hand her the Kleenex box just as she starts a third and final wave of barf-o-rama this time through her nose.

She starts bleeding from the nose. Hard. So I give her the box and instruct her to blow her nose gently to remove the residual vomit from it, and then keep her head up and back.

By now we are all standing in a pool of brown vomit with pieces of what seems like toast in it. The smell of bile and coffee is not pleasant but bearable, partly because it's cold and partly because of the adrenaline.

A few moments later we get to the train station, the lady is sitting there looking sorry and she keeps apologising, I reassure her that it's not going to be held against her and we all make sure she can make it back home with the same bus. She assures us that she will be fine and we head to the train.

That same evening as I boarded the bus I asked our bus driver how it went and he told me that he dropped her off in front of her house in the morning. He had to hose down the inside of the bus then give it to their maintenance crew for them to sanitise it.

It smelled like vanilla!